Day 41 - Did You Mess With the Electricity?

Mom, in the last entry I already mentioned that on Day 41 after your stroke, as you were lying in bed, now sleeping (or unconscious) with the Hospice nurse by your side in your bedroom, not one but *two* transformers blew. The first one sounded like it was about six houses away. The second one was the transformer nearly in our own back yard. It is in the corner of Jim's backyard. Was that you? Were you the cause of the transformer blowing out like that? One hears all kinds of stories about how the spirits can mess with electricity. Again, I hope you were not angry.
  I did not know when you were finally sleeping that night -- and you seemed so restful-- that you would never wake up again. Dear God, did we do the right thing? Just ten hours previously you were fully alert and inquisitive about the medical truck parked on the street in front of our house. Yes, you were asleep, but the next day it would seem like you were unconscious. If we talked to you, could you hear us? The Hospice nurse said that you could, but how could she really know? But for the sake of all who visited you, I hope that you were aware of what was going on.
  Day 42 was a Thursday, September 20th. In the afternoon people started coming to see you. I wish I could list them all, but I cant. Walker was there nearly all day. Several of my sister's friends from Church were there. I don't remember if Vivian was there. In the evening, John and Debbie were there. Katie and her husband were there. They all stood around your bed and watched as you breathed heavily. Now it was plain to see that you had water in your lungs. It gurgled with your every breath. And it is precisely this that makes me question that supposed "oxygen machine" that the hospice nurses hooked up to you. It had a canister of water attached to it so that the air going into your nose was moist. This is what we were told. Mary Jo seemed pleased because your nose had been very dry, she said. But I just wonder if we were forcing water to collect in your lungs? God, I hope that is not the case, and I hope that is not the reason September 20th was your last day on this earth.
  It was about 8:45 in the evening. Most of the people who had come by to see you had left. There were only a few people still in the living room. I was with you in your bedroom with the hospice nurse, but essentially we were all alone. It was quieter. I was rubbing your left hand which was very puffed up, and I was watching you take your every breath. Then, finally, at 9:00, you took your very last breath. You breathed in, then out, and that was it. No apparent pain. No apparent fight. Your mouth remained open. The nurse felt for your pulse, and she told me that you had passed. For a few minutes I couldn't believe it, because there were still some sounds in the lungs emanating. The nurse said that was common. Then I went out to the living room, and I announced, "Mary Jo...she's gone." I wont describe all the activity afterwards. I just cant keep it all straight, and it all seems less important than the days leading up to your death. It bothered me slightly that you were not pronounced dead until about 10:00 when the official hospice nurse arrived. By midnight or so, they rolled your body out the door in a body bag. I would not see you again until September 25th at your funeral mass at Holy Family. I gave the eulogy. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, apart from watching you suffer these last 42 days. Mom, I love you and will always miss you. I will write more here, but it will be less often. I am honored that you took your last breath while I was in the room with you. What we had as Mother and Son was very special, and I do not regret for a second my decision 8 years ago to come live with you.