Day 30 - One of the Worst Sights I Ever Witnessed

Mom, you had just been admitted to Memorial Hermann Southwest the day before, and you were in a room (no longer in ER), and we felt that you were getting better because you were finally getting the liquids that you needed in those IV's. You had gone 4 weeks without eating or drinking much. It was about noon when it happened. I thought you were sleeping, so I was sitting on the bench by the window with my tablet, probably ready to write an email to someone, when I heard this gurgling noise. I stood up and looked over in your direction and saw to my horror, Blood! Blood was gurgling out of your mouth, and you were lying almost flat on your back, so you were choking on your own vomit of blood. Immediately I raised your bed so that the blood would fall out of your mouth and down your chest. The blood was still coming out, and it was coming out fast. I rushed into the hallway and saw no one, so I started shouting, "Help, Help" at the top of my lungs. After shouting for help half a dozen times, I heard someone say, "Where is that coming from?" Finally nurses and professionals starting heading my way. "My mom is throwing up blood!" I told them, and they rushed to your aid.
  After about five minutes, the blood stopped coming out, but you were very pale. I will never forget the look on your face: a total look of vacancy, as if you were not even in your body. Your blood pressure fell drastically, and they brought you to ICU. In ICU they had to give you four bags of blood infusions. Gradually your blood pressure came back up. They would have to wait many hours before they would do a procedure to find out why you were throwing up blood. In the ICU I was asked questions about your DNR, which means "Do Not resuscitate." The very same Indian doctor that you had had two years previously during a kidney problem came up to me and basically told me that I should get things in order, that you would probably not survive. In order to get the procedure for putting a scope down your throat to look into your stomach, I had to call John who was vacationing somewhere near Corpus. I was amazed that the hospital just needed to talk to John to get the okay. They recorded the conversation, John and I were told. We were told that the procedure itself could kill you. But we wanted to fix you, and we knew this was the only way. Was this a mistake? Should I have just told the doctor, "No, do not give her blood. Do not give her any operations. Let my mother out of her misery." Had I said this, I am sure you would have died in just a few hours, and it may have spared you even more misery -- as hard as that is to believe.
  Well, the gastronomy procedure was a success, and they found a large hole in your stomach. To fix it they put two clamps. They also found a couple thin areas, so they prescribed some medicine which would help the lining of your stomach heal. This is when it was made painfully obvious that while you were staying at the nursing home, all the experts, and every one in your family had made a huge mistake. We should have never forced you to take your medications on an empty stomach. You weren't eating but two spoonfuls of jello a day, and here we were giving you about six different medications three times a day. There were many days you refused. I will never forget the look on your face when you refused. You were mad at all of us. You knew better than all of us, didn't you, that swallowing all this medicine, was the wrong thing to do?